The Typical Day of a Typical Emo

by **Furumetaru** Sat May 28, 2011 1:43 am

Chapter 1: Welcome to Hell, may I take your order?

It started like any other day. I stalled myself, unable to face myself in the mirror of the bathroom before I showered. What was I to face? An ugly, freaky-looking pile of crap? No. I always wish I had no mirrors in my home; nothing to remind me of what I am. Though, how am I to know what something is if there’s no mirror? I can’t exactly see from multiple point of perspective; I don’t have eyes all around me. I can only see forward. Never back. I think that’s the one thing that disturbs me the most; I only focus on the future, but never the present. Maybe… it’s because of my problems. I focus on getting better; to fight my adversities’ even when good things are happening as I speak. But, is it worth it in the end to focus on the present? All I see; all I hear, is a voice inside my head, telling me how ugly, pathetic, useless, and hated I am. Not too mention cowardice, failure to express my inner emotions, and someone who is never enough even for the person they wish they were. It’s true. I honestly, by now, believe it to be true. When I take my shower, all those thoughts come back to me; ‘die, you’re a useless, pathetic, weak piece of trash.’ I try to avoid such thoughts, I really do. They just keep – getting stronger and stronger. It’s like if I bury all my hatred at myself, it just comes back twice, maybe tripe as powerful on my self-esteem. I even think of my own faults; then, my friends get into the mix. They may be weird, silly, act stupid every once and a while, and not be the most normal bunch of people in a collection ever assembled. But, they are my friends. They sometimes make me forget; they actually suppress what I’ve failed to do for many years. It’s then when I get out of the shower; I’m lucky enough that the shower’s mist covers my mirror. It means I don’t have to look at myself, just take care of my business in there, what anybody would do. As I finish getting dressed, the voices come back again. They keep repeating single-word insults that I’ve come to believe are true by now. Calling me a ‘loser’ or even ‘asshole.’ People tended to disagree that I was good, that I was smart and a nice person. I would listen, but if it were true, why do I keep hearing these voices in my head? What did this ‘perfect, good child’ (as my parents thought I was) do to deserve this inner-turmoil? I study, I talk with friends, and I’m friendly to people who are generally good people. I’m normal, but what makes me someone who has to suffer the emotional distraught brought on by these dark, demented voices that spit out words that have become fact to me? Enough questions. They just bring on a greater onslaught of emotional cancer, growing exponentially and growing till it kills me. Then comes breakfast, another moment that reminds me of my emotional pain, my inner-suffering. My lack of people to talk to me leads to me suffering into watching television, playing games, or going on my laptop, the third being most used. Family Comedies on Television just make me more depressed; the fact being that I watched them most of my life, I simply hope that one day, and at one point in my life, I can have happiness, friends and family like that. But, I allow myself to stay at the fact that it will never happen; I’ll have whatever I get. My friends aren’t perfect, I’ll tell you that. They may not be there for me as much as I hoped; I can tell you that, as well. However, they aren’t more than just memories and pictures I store in my head like a person stalking a photograph, they’re important to me. Without them I’d be a recluse, so then when I’m having moments like when I have breakfast, I process one thing into my head: my friends. Their image is embedded into me, and brings me joy on certain occasions. The school bus ride there, yet more time to reflect. What else is there to do, sleep? Not likely, it only gives me ten minutes to sleep which isn’t enough. It helps me think more clearly, having my orange juice, and getting a mouthful of my breakfast helping my mind be more productive, which in itself is counterproductive to my solution to the depression. It helps me evaluate how terrible my life is even more. The voice keeps telling me that I have no talent, my friends don’t like to engage with me outside school, and I’m nothing but an outcast by everyone around me. It… makes me cry hearing that voice. Hearing something telling you that you’re trash, that nobody likes you, and that you’re a repulsive loudmouth who doesn’t deserve to live. Hell, it even likes to bring up this old girl I had as a good friend in Elementary School. She left me behind to go to a religious school because of her family, and she ignores me now like all the others. People still tell me I should be happy, that I’m good, that I deserve it? Well, I don’t. I’m nothing but a waste of space on this planet. But, that’s just me. Now, when I get into the high school, that’s when things get similar. I go by my friends, and I’m mostly ignored. It lets me remind myself how much of a failure I am. When the bell rings, I go into Geometry, take out any homework, and just sit there alone, nobody paying any mind to me. I’m ignored by the students, and only talked to by the teachers when appropriate. I have barely a social life, and barely see my friends in the day and after school. As I go to second period, I meet with two of my friends, and things turn a little better.

by **Meian Uchiha** Sat May 28, 2011 3:01 am

Although I've may not have known much about your personal life up until now; I'm here for you bro. I don't know whether you see me as a friend or not, but I've already been thought of you as both a rival and an ally waaayy before now. I've read this entire passage from top to bottom. I can relate to most of what your saying. I've been through similar situaitions in school as well. Believe it or not I have sorta have a reclusive personality of my own. Its, because I choose to just say FTW sometimes when it comes to some people.

Others I choose to let into my life for my own reasons. I've got friends from different walks of life. Some consider me wierd just for being on sites like these. Others encourage it. Anyway I've already told you that you have talent in my eyes. No need to doubt that. Also even when people call you a loud mouth; I just called it as "outspoken". I stood up for you in past situaitions related to that.

So dude quit letting yourself down. In all honesty; Its only gonna hold you back from success. So to sum up what I'm saying; In these closing statements. "Your no loser to me bro."

by **Furumetaru** Sun May 29, 2011 10:40 pm

Ah, clever enough to figure out it was an anecdote, ey? No, I'm afraid I cannot take your pity-speech, or whatever you prefer to call it. I know people with state of psychological and/or emotional distraught similar to and greater of mine. I don't need normal people's help I'm afraid. No sympathy. No psychiatrists. No parenting. Just those close people offering understanding, and allowing me to open up - to those misunderstood people who can understand how I feel better than anyone. No offense to anyone it's just... not something just anyone can understand. Encourage people who are... emo, I suppose... like me, and it will do nothing. Say "You're great," that "You're wrong," and so on... it cannot block out inner-turmoil and emotional pain. Try to understand the meaning of this.

by **Meian Uchiha** Mon May 30, 2011 2:17 pm

Basically your saying since I haven't experienced a great enough turmoil, then I can't relate. So I shouldn't say that I can. Also my words of encouragment to you does nothing, but get deflected, because you want no sympathy from none that have not been through similar or worse situaitions. Therefore I cannot offer understanding.

I understand. Well I appologise for being unable to help you on this, but anything else outside our character's being mortal enemies; I got your back on.

by **Furumetaru** Tue May 31, 2011 1:18 am

Character-wise, I need "Getting of my back." As you haven't understood, I pretty much whooped your character's ass respectfully with each new character. So, I believe I'm covered.

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